So, more dental treatment, I'm sure loads of you have been through it. Apologies for not poating for a while. I've had a truckload of work I wanted to get through (one more essay to do tonight, it's quarter to eleven and this one's due tomorrow) and I still have a bit more (okay LOADS but let's ignore it for the minute).
This little intro brings me to what I call the Golden Rule of Work (GROW). The GROW is, and this is not simplified or shortened or anything, because it's nice and simple already- "As long as the work is in on the deadline, completed to a satisfactory degree and quality, then it doesn't matter when you do it."
I live by this rule. Seriously. I'm the "night before the deadline" kind of person many of my friends despise. Not because I don't do the work, but because I work well under pressure, so leaving most of the application (which admittedly I do preplan in advance, because it gives me days to think of what I'll write into the longer essays) until the night before is fine by me. I can speed-type when I'm in the working mood. By speed type I mean seven pages in an hour. Size twelve font. But yeah, I have to be in a working mood. A productive mood, as it were. It does depend on the subject, though. Law and Sociology essays are a lot easier to complete than German ones, not least because I already know English grammar, syntax, cases, and verb agreement. I've just finished an essay titled "Das Verhältnis zwischen Martin und Clarissa ist gespannt. Wie ist das zu erklären und auf welche Weise wird das im Film vermittelt?". For those of you, I guess a majority, who don't speak German, this translates into "The relationship between Martin and Clarissa is strained. How is this explained and through what methods is it mediated (shown)?" so yes. Sometimes A-Level languages have some strange questions. We've just finished a seven-week long "Environmental resources" topic- believe it or not, I've learnt more about renewable resources in the last term than science taught me in the whole of Secondary School.
Anywhooo, I got braces put on my top teeth this past Friday (two days ago). I still can't chew anything, and they're cutting my mouth because the orthodontist didn't cut the ends of the wires off enough. So every time I smile or laugh or talk or eat or even brush my teeth, I cut the inside of my cheeks. Like an inside-out joker. Except even less funny. Agony shan't get the better of me, however.
One thing that gets rid of pain is hilarity- and hilarity did indeed present itself yesterday evening. Boy oh boy, it was a treat, I tell you! My mother and I, her boyfriend (Julian) and his daughter were all sat in the living room, me on the floor, the other three on chairs (I'm completely uncouth, I know). Suddenly, Julian jumped off the chair, and smacked a rather large spider onto the floor. It started jogging (not quite a run, not quite a walk, like it was hurrying, I suppose) towards the curtains. His daughter ran to get a glass and postcard [note: these should exist in every house at all times for moments such as this]. Right as she left the room, he put his foot in front of it, to stop it getting to the curtains. Now, I would have applauded this (admittedly ill-thought out) tactical move, if it were not for what happened next. The spider, seeing the shoe, sped up. It ran to the shoe, straight UP the side of the shoe (still on Julian's foot) and... Up his trouserleg. There was a moment of disbelief. He then started doing what I can only describe as a one-legged, three-times-normal-speed haka dance, stamping the foot over and over again. After four or so frenzied stamps (all four of us are scared of spiders, I should say), it fell to the floor. The damage, however, has been done. My mother and I pissed ourselves laughing, and there are now conversations underway to the effect of wearing bicycle clips at all times. A good idea, perhaps, but I think I prefer the more interesting outcome that results from the alternative.
Happy reading, folks!
Showing posts with label spider. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spider. Show all posts
Sunday, 13 November 2011
Tuesday, 13 September 2011
Eight - legged eeks!
So, I have a big piece of work due in tomorrow on omissions in Law. I've been writing it for about a week and as I've written it I've created a references page and everything to go along with it. Well, tonight, I was doing exactly that (fine tuning takes about six hurs or so) and I decided to do it in my room.
Now, last night I was writing on a bit of paper in here and I made a mistake, so I screwed it up and threw it on the floor. Like you should. And of course, it was still there this evening. I bet you're thinking that piece of paper continued to be useless, no? Well, no. No, this paper saved me tonight. It provided a vital alarm: the ArachAlarm!
So there I was, typing away like my happy nerdy little self, in silence (save for the clicky-click of my keyboard) and what should I hear but this strange little noise at my feet? What could it be? Well, I'll tell you, it was the most fucking ma-HOOOOOOsive spider I have ever seen in England, save from in the zoo. But I wasn't thinking this at the time, no, not at all. Indeed, what I was actually thinking was "Holy shit, where's the nearest glass?" and seconds later, "FUCKING HELL THAT BASTARD MOVES LIKE A LITTLE EIGHT-LEGGED BULLSEYE!"
The eek-attracter, this huge intruder, this offending arachnid with visible eyes and thick legs with hair as long as my eyelashes, it stopped in front of my wardrobe. I thought that finally one giant beastie might be easy to catch. But, it had two leggies underneath the wardrobe already, and I could tell he was a teasie beastie. Bastard, bastard beastie. Teasing me, this horrific eight-legged eek ran under my wardrobe. I called in back-up in the form of my twelve-year-old kind of sister. Aside from giggling a lot at my obvious terror, she also resorted to making comments such as, "Wow, his legs are reeeeeally long..." to lighten the mood. I told her I'd formed a plan. All this time, I'd been thinking, though. I'd had on my mind that any spidie-widie large enough to crumple paper under-hideous-foot was probably a little big and burly to be messing with using the conventional methods.
The plan meant taking apart my chest of drawers and moving it away from the wardrobe, therefore giving the beastie a faux chance to escape. After half an hour of grunting and moving heavy furniture on my part (there's a bookcase on the chest of drawers), the bastard made a break for it... straight into a glass. My terror... it was mixed with pride. I had not screamed once! I am still proud. I did swear a lot.
This is the third or fourth spider in my room of this size (I think this one was the king though, as it was a lot bigger than then previous one I caught). I like to think I am becoming more equipped to deal with them; I always have a glass, I always have my shoes on, and my room is tidy (usually) so I can see them from a distance. This one nearly got me; the adrenaline rush was the only saviour my body gave me. The thing to remember, folks, is that fight is better than flight in these cases, becuse if you fly and then come back and it's not there anymore, that's a shame. A shame because either you will have to put
your house on the market, or simply board off that room (and any with connecting doors).
These eight-legged eeks cannot win this war! They should not! We are hundreds, thousands of times their size! And yet they are terrifying. Did you know most people fear spiders more than they fear death?
For those of you who need someone else who knows (or those of you who save us all the time and shock us with your amazingness when you pick up spiders in your BARE hands- a wonderful trick and talent!), clicky here. I swear to you, I love this because it defines me quite well- certainyl in Autumn when more eekies come into the house (due to deteriorating weather- they hate rain even mroe than you do) and I have to deal (or scream and run) accordingly.
This is the last spider, about a week or two ago. The one tonight was about one and a half times this size... To be honest, I didn't keep the first one, so I can't check. Let's just say, the one today left me literally almost unable to form words.
Happy reading, folks!
P.S. This is my bedroom after tonight's little incident.
Now, last night I was writing on a bit of paper in here and I made a mistake, so I screwed it up and threw it on the floor. Like you should. And of course, it was still there this evening. I bet you're thinking that piece of paper continued to be useless, no? Well, no. No, this paper saved me tonight. It provided a vital alarm: the ArachAlarm!
So there I was, typing away like my happy nerdy little self, in silence (save for the clicky-click of my keyboard) and what should I hear but this strange little noise at my feet? What could it be? Well, I'll tell you, it was the most fucking ma-HOOOOOOsive spider I have ever seen in England, save from in the zoo. But I wasn't thinking this at the time, no, not at all. Indeed, what I was actually thinking was "Holy shit, where's the nearest glass?" and seconds later, "FUCKING HELL THAT BASTARD MOVES LIKE A LITTLE EIGHT-LEGGED BULLSEYE!"
The eek-attracter, this huge intruder, this offending arachnid with visible eyes and thick legs with hair as long as my eyelashes, it stopped in front of my wardrobe. I thought that finally one giant beastie might be easy to catch. But, it had two leggies underneath the wardrobe already, and I could tell he was a teasie beastie. Bastard, bastard beastie. Teasing me, this horrific eight-legged eek ran under my wardrobe. I called in back-up in the form of my twelve-year-old kind of sister. Aside from giggling a lot at my obvious terror, she also resorted to making comments such as, "Wow, his legs are reeeeeally long..." to lighten the mood. I told her I'd formed a plan. All this time, I'd been thinking, though. I'd had on my mind that any spidie-widie large enough to crumple paper under-hideous-foot was probably a little big and burly to be messing with using the conventional methods.
The plan meant taking apart my chest of drawers and moving it away from the wardrobe, therefore giving the beastie a faux chance to escape. After half an hour of grunting and moving heavy furniture on my part (there's a bookcase on the chest of drawers), the bastard made a break for it... straight into a glass. My terror... it was mixed with pride. I had not screamed once! I am still proud. I did swear a lot.
This is the third or fourth spider in my room of this size (I think this one was the king though, as it was a lot bigger than then previous one I caught). I like to think I am becoming more equipped to deal with them; I always have a glass, I always have my shoes on, and my room is tidy (usually) so I can see them from a distance. This one nearly got me; the adrenaline rush was the only saviour my body gave me. The thing to remember, folks, is that fight is better than flight in these cases, becuse if you fly and then come back and it's not there anymore, that's a shame. A shame because either you will have to put
your house on the market, or simply board off that room (and any with connecting doors).
These eight-legged eeks cannot win this war! They should not! We are hundreds, thousands of times their size! And yet they are terrifying. Did you know most people fear spiders more than they fear death?
For those of you who need someone else who knows (or those of you who save us all the time and shock us with your amazingness when you pick up spiders in your BARE hands- a wonderful trick and talent!), clicky here. I swear to you, I love this because it defines me quite well- certainyl in Autumn when more eekies come into the house (due to deteriorating weather- they hate rain even mroe than you do) and I have to deal (or scream and run) accordingly.
This is the last spider, about a week or two ago. The one tonight was about one and a half times this size... To be honest, I didn't keep the first one, so I can't check. Let's just say, the one today left me literally almost unable to form words.
P.S. This is my bedroom after tonight's little incident.
Tuesday, 30 August 2011
The boredom has set in.
I have done my homework, written my personal statement (entire first draft), watched about twenty movies, been ice skating, tidied up... I'm now getting to the stage where I create weird art projects just to fill my time. Today, for instance, I spray painted a white T-Shirt with sky blue spray paint. before this I'd made clouds out of stickyback plastic and stuck them to the shirt, so now it's finished and the plastic is off, I have what can only be described truly as a SkyShirt. I quite like it, but I'm not sure how well it'll fare in the wash.
I now find myself watching mundane programs on T.V. or doing various other strange things. The worst thing is because I've properly stopped growing I now have very little appetite so I have to make a conscious effort to eat. Before it was a "should probably be eating less" situation, now it's more like I have to ask people to remind me at various points in the day. I'm sure when term starts I'll be hungrier as I'll actually be having to leave the house and walk around and do things (naff stuff like learning). I've done lesson plans for when I go back... I've pre-made a timetable sheet... For god's sake, there is nothing else to do. These holidays, they feel so great when they start, after all the exams and the effort and the latenights and hard work. But after three or four weeks, you become disillusioned with the idea of six weeks of no routine and nothing useful to fill your time. You have to make conscious efforts to do anything remotely constructive.
What makes it worse for me is I live in a basement flat and the man upstairs has a new girlfriend. Kudos, UpstairsMan, this one's not as loud as the last one, but please stop having two-hour long sex sessions. At one in the morning. Or at seven in the morning. I want a wake-up track, I'll find something off Youtube like "She's Got You High". What I DON'T want to wake up to is you getting bizzay to the rhythm of my alarm clock, thanks so much.
One day I will record the sounds and post it through their letterbox in CD form, each track a different date or something. There's nothing like embarrassing someone in STYLE. It does actually give me joy, sometimes... But only when people really deserve it.
The worst bit is the end (now) of the holidays, because my bodyclock's out of whack and I nhave to learn to go to school all over again... just like every year.
Also, I have found out something new. On days that start off rainy and then get hot, your flat will be somewhat infested with garden spiders. Remember this if you are afraid of spiders. Particularly because they are bloody MASSIVE (Grade 2!) and therefore run fast. Faster than you. That's a very frightening prospect.
I highly suggest you click that Grade 2 link and watch intently. I relate to the man very strongly on this subject.
Happy reading, folks!
I now find myself watching mundane programs on T.V. or doing various other strange things. The worst thing is because I've properly stopped growing I now have very little appetite so I have to make a conscious effort to eat. Before it was a "should probably be eating less" situation, now it's more like I have to ask people to remind me at various points in the day. I'm sure when term starts I'll be hungrier as I'll actually be having to leave the house and walk around and do things (naff stuff like learning). I've done lesson plans for when I go back... I've pre-made a timetable sheet... For god's sake, there is nothing else to do. These holidays, they feel so great when they start, after all the exams and the effort and the latenights and hard work. But after three or four weeks, you become disillusioned with the idea of six weeks of no routine and nothing useful to fill your time. You have to make conscious efforts to do anything remotely constructive.
What makes it worse for me is I live in a basement flat and the man upstairs has a new girlfriend. Kudos, UpstairsMan, this one's not as loud as the last one, but please stop having two-hour long sex sessions. At one in the morning. Or at seven in the morning. I want a wake-up track, I'll find something off Youtube like "She's Got You High". What I DON'T want to wake up to is you getting bizzay to the rhythm of my alarm clock, thanks so much.
One day I will record the sounds and post it through their letterbox in CD form, each track a different date or something. There's nothing like embarrassing someone in STYLE. It does actually give me joy, sometimes... But only when people really deserve it.
The worst bit is the end (now) of the holidays, because my bodyclock's out of whack and I nhave to learn to go to school all over again... just like every year.
Also, I have found out something new. On days that start off rainy and then get hot, your flat will be somewhat infested with garden spiders. Remember this if you are afraid of spiders. Particularly because they are bloody MASSIVE (Grade 2!) and therefore run fast. Faster than you. That's a very frightening prospect.
I highly suggest you click that Grade 2 link and watch intently. I relate to the man very strongly on this subject.
Happy reading, folks!
Thursday, 16 June 2011
Transcription
A video I filmed but could not upload...So I wrote it out like all other rational humans do when they're really tired. Enjoy...ish. My ramblings.
SO, hello again, um... Still testing... obviously... Um, I know there's a lot of image wobble, it's because I'm now hanging my camera because I find when I-when I look down to talk to the camera, it's really annoying and...I think I develop quite a different personality *chuckle* as...wehn I'm talking to a camera- than when I'm talking to a human... erm, it's probably because you can't tell me my ideas are daft. But, here's a nice original one- how bad would it be if you had a spider that just woke up one day and realised that it was arachnophobic? That's quite an interesting question to pose when all your friends are really high. Er, another trick I've found which is-er, because I don't, I don't drink or take drugs-*straight edge!*- er, wait a sec (draws cross on back of hand...) yeah. Um, *chuckle* I find that if you've got...a friend who's very high, and you also have a silicone baking tray, er, what you do is you hold it at the edges so it looks like a normal baking tray-obviously someone who's not high is gonna know, because it's not shiny, it's not metallic..but, erm, *chuckle* if you get a silicone baking tray and you hold it by the edges, the sides, so it looks flat, and then get your friend to put their hand under the middle of it, and when you give it to them it looks like it melts... And that really freaks out high people.
So, yeah... It's a good idea. I'm really liking this camera thing, I hope it works... I...(comes closer to the camera) Doubt any of that was loud enough for you to hear. Sorry. Uh, yeah, I've got my little interrogation light here; it hurts my eyes. I'm realllllly tired, but, um...it's nearly eleven thirty at night so...that's to be expected. (blows dust off desk) I've just realised....Oh yeah, another nice joke for you, I've got an optic mouse- which is now freaking out because I took it off of something... I decided that I needed a bigger desk so...I had this tiny desk, it was literally like, a mouse would not have used the desk...bit of an exaggeration but you get the point it was....And I built this new desk, (taps desk with fingernails) this one. I don't know if any of you can hear that, it's a fucking glass desk. And I have a f--- I have an optic mouse. Possibly the most STUPID combination in the world.I always have to have a piece of paper. Great thing is the mouse is calibrated really high so I can actually move it across the entire screen... (lifts coaster) on THAT. Which is really helpful. But I find that often I have a drink on this, it's a coaster, that's what it's for...Yeah, just....I just, I have a daft life and daft ideas, mainly. Yeah, um...Goodnight *chuckle*.
Video is better than transcription but, with my luck, I have actually managed to drop the appropriate lead into a paint spill so it doesn't like to cooperate any more. I expect it's doing that thing that inanimate objects are clearly capable of doing and holding a grudge against me, the bastard. Never mind, I have other cables to converse with.
Happy reading, folks!
SO, hello again, um... Still testing... obviously... Um, I know there's a lot of image wobble, it's because I'm now hanging my camera because I find when I-when I look down to talk to the camera, it's really annoying and...I think I develop quite a different personality *chuckle* as...wehn I'm talking to a camera- than when I'm talking to a human... erm, it's probably because you can't tell me my ideas are daft. But, here's a nice original one- how bad would it be if you had a spider that just woke up one day and realised that it was arachnophobic? That's quite an interesting question to pose when all your friends are really high. Er, another trick I've found which is-er, because I don't, I don't drink or take drugs-*straight edge!*- er, wait a sec (draws cross on back of hand...) yeah. Um, *chuckle* I find that if you've got...a friend who's very high, and you also have a silicone baking tray, er, what you do is you hold it at the edges so it looks like a normal baking tray-obviously someone who's not high is gonna know, because it's not shiny, it's not metallic..but, erm, *chuckle* if you get a silicone baking tray and you hold it by the edges, the sides, so it looks flat, and then get your friend to put their hand under the middle of it, and when you give it to them it looks like it melts... And that really freaks out high people.
So, yeah... It's a good idea. I'm really liking this camera thing, I hope it works... I...(comes closer to the camera) Doubt any of that was loud enough for you to hear. Sorry. Uh, yeah, I've got my little interrogation light here; it hurts my eyes. I'm realllllly tired, but, um...it's nearly eleven thirty at night so...that's to be expected. (blows dust off desk) I've just realised....Oh yeah, another nice joke for you, I've got an optic mouse- which is now freaking out because I took it off of something... I decided that I needed a bigger desk so...I had this tiny desk, it was literally like, a mouse would not have used the desk...bit of an exaggeration but you get the point it was....And I built this new desk, (taps desk with fingernails) this one. I don't know if any of you can hear that, it's a fucking glass desk. And I have a f--- I have an optic mouse. Possibly the most STUPID combination in the world.I always have to have a piece of paper. Great thing is the mouse is calibrated really high so I can actually move it across the entire screen... (lifts coaster) on THAT. Which is really helpful. But I find that often I have a drink on this, it's a coaster, that's what it's for...Yeah, just....I just, I have a daft life and daft ideas, mainly. Yeah, um...Goodnight *chuckle*.
Video is better than transcription but, with my luck, I have actually managed to drop the appropriate lead into a paint spill so it doesn't like to cooperate any more. I expect it's doing that thing that inanimate objects are clearly capable of doing and holding a grudge against me, the bastard. Never mind, I have other cables to converse with.
Happy reading, folks!
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