Bitte entschuldigen Sie!!

One word to you all, dear readers, and that word is perseverance. I'm not afraid and not sorry to say that there have been good reasons for my not posting in a while!

Studying.
I have been sitting at my desk, and various other desks, and on my bed, and at the kitchen table, and I've been thinking and formulating and assimilating (to an extent) all this information we, as law students on the course, have been exposed to. Lectures are a welcome introduction to topics, believe me, but gosh are they fleeting. Oh, what a brief window of interest they open for us! And then the hard work begins. In lectures, I sit and I take notes and I assume I'm making sense of all the words and phrases and images I'm given to make sense of, but of course it's passive learning. And so I have to go away and read and commit myself to hours of thinking about the same things and working out how all those things fit together. It's wonderful, readers! I'm really enjoying myself learning things at university.
But of course the result of all this time-consuming studying is that I get good marks. I am getting good marks and I am very proud and because of that I can truly say that I feel I am spending my time well here. Of course I take time off! Of course I spend time procrastinating, and watching movies, and reading non-academic books, and sleeping and eating and just relishing being able to think. So far I've given in two essays. The first was a 2:1 (a high B) and the second was a 1st (an A). I am enjoying that. And then today we participated in a  test in class, multiple choice but quite difficult all the same, and I scored 35/36.

...Baking?
It was Patrick's birthday at the weekend and so I went home for four days. We baked a lovely chocolate cake on Friday, which we didn't finish until after his birthday dinner on Saturday, when I made the ganache and put it on. That word's a link because EVERYONE I told asked what ganache was and I couldn't define it well.

Here's a picture of the birthday boy exercising his self-control with said cake.

Pat, I gotta say, honey, you could probably fit that whole cake in your mouth in less than ten bites.

It's a pretty big cake, I tell you! It was/is lovely (I still have a slice keeping me company up in Oxford). I also bought Pat an Euler's disk, because he really loves physics and he specifically asked for one. Youtube it and see how they work, they're pretty cool (and heavy).

I got the recipe for the cake here, it is delicious, I recommend you all try it. I am having a lot of fun with the whole baking shebang now I'm older and able to do all that stuff I didn't understand when I was younger.

...Didn't stop me from melting a spatula when making the ganache, though. Moving on!


Coursework obligations
I have a piece of coursework due this Friday, which I am currently part of the way through writing, and two pieces due in three and a half weeks' time, so I'm likely to be quite busy between now and then! However, I will try to write after that, which shouldn't be too difficult as my Christmas holidays start once I've handed those in, so I should be back home for roughly December 15th. This is an exciting last month of my first semester at university, I must say! I'm being careful not to do so much work that I burn out and do terribly next year, but I also want to do well this year because I want a proper foundation year (looks good on CVs and also to any prospective employers to show that I'm trying hard even when it's not completely necessary!

I would put up some coursework extracts but we're not allowed for reasons such as cheating and plagiarism. Sorry folks! Don't hesitate to ask questions if you want to, though.

Happy reading, folks!

Victoria Jane

Purpose.

I'm not saying we're here for a specific purpose or that life is a wonderful miracle. I don't want to project an image of myself as someone very philosophical or anything like that. I like people to know I have thoughts, though. I find it somewhat satisfying that someone could be interested in the things in my head.

So, I've been going to Taekwon Do every day that I can (it only runs Thursdays and Fridays but some Fridays I go home to see my family) and I can feel myself getting stronger and faster. This is a good change, certainly. It feels like I am achieving something.
For years and years I felt pressure to be thin and to never lose my temper and to be helpful to people all the time, but then I realised that thin is not necessarily healthy and keeping your cool all the time is virtually inhuman, there have to be some things that annoy you, sometimes, and sometimes it's okay not to lend others a hand and to just have some time to yourself. I think everybody needs that.

I've been reading a lot recently, and I found this, which is interesting. I don't think being married is anything different than being in a relationship, but that's not the significance of it. I was particularly interested in point seven on that list, because quite frankly it's not a burden worrying about someone and being young and carefree doesn't go hand in hand, completely, with being alone. Again, I'm not trying to project an image of philosophy; nor am I saying that everybody simply must have someone to be with (come on! Nobody NEEDS a boyfriend, it's not a concept you should view in that way, in my opinion). My relationship does cause me some worry, of course; I care about Pat very much, and I do worry a bit sometimes. But he makes life a lot more bearable when I've had a terrible day (don't think, honey, that I merely use you to make myself feel better).

But yes, purpose. My purpose in life has never been set, but rather quite loosely defined as what I find important at that moment. At this time I'm interested in learning about Law (good thing, that) and improving my Taekwon Do skills.

Recently, I have been reading this blog. It's written by a man whose younger son has autism, and it documents, to an extent, what effect this has had on family, and general, life. I have a cousin with autism and there is a whole huge area of grey in my knowledge about the condition, though I know the basics-  that it's lifelong, incurable, and prevents normal social interaction to an extent. But I must say that the man's child has high-functioning autism, which is not as severe at what my little cousin has. I say "has" and not "suffers from" because, as horrible as it may sound, I really think he doesn't care all that much, but we do, and it affects the lives of my mother's side of the family quite extensively. I have had to, in the past (and we're talking five years ago) literally pull other children off my cousin. Bullies can be cruel. He doesn't understand how awful they're being either.

But A (his name genuinely starts with that letter, I'm not initial-ing him autistic) isn't who I'm worried about, it's his older brother, T. I love T a huge amount, and the sadness I feel for his predicament is something I will never cease to bear. He not only has almost no support and praise from his parents but also must deal with, every day and night for the rest of his life, the fact his younger brother has autism. It will always be a part of his mind. I worry for him, this once promising and bright child, whose personality, aspirations and livelihood have dulled under the weight of his burden. At twelve (now) he is expected to fully understand his brother's condition and deal with it as well as his parents do (they don't, really). T was a very bright child, and I mean that; he learnt to read analogue clocks before I did, and I had six years on him. I was genuinely jealous at one point. But now? Now, I feel anger and pity. Anger that he was wasted, ignored, left to almost raise himself. He has to eat what his brother eats, which isn't much. He has to live around his brother. He has to work around the entire situation, and believe me, A is quite the situation.

I would never say it is A's fault, but he can be very challenging to deal with. Partly, he has autism. Partly, he's a complete bastard because his parents have let him grow to always get what he wants. As a result my favourite cousin (sorry all other cousins) has completely lost the light in his life. He did badly in school last year. He can't bring friends home. He has no escape. Secondary school is a car journey from his house and during that journey I can bet you anything there is either silence or lectures revolving around A. Or T's lack of performance. How do you expect him to do well if you won't help? He's not an adult, you control him as his parents, to some extent. You let his little brother break his things and ruin his stuff and you blame it on autism or on him, and you're going to have an unhappy child.

As a result, I've resolved to write him a little book. Of my thoughts. Of what I feel. Of how I want to help. Of how everything is unfair and I see that and how mum and I have secret plans to steal him away for a day and we'll do whatever the hell he wants all day and he can eat and sleep and just not give a care that his little brother is autistic, for one day. Removing the burden. And hopefully he'll see that there are people who think he's not getting as much individual time and love as he deserves.

I'd genuinely not mind if he went to live with my mum, although it would be difficult. I'd love to see him more. I want his mobile number so we can text without his mum knowing; it'd be difficult but I'm sure there's a way.  My purpose is to write my little cousin a book to make him a little bit less miserable this Christmas, because it quite literally (I think it's the stress of thinking of being in that situation) makes my heart hurt when I imagine him all bored and upset and alone in that house, every day.

If you have any comments, please send them to me here. I'd love to read them.

Happy reading, folks!!

Changes!!

Hello readers! A mighty quick update for you from the lovely me (ah, who am I kidding?) to say that I've changed the name of the blog (as you can clearly see!). Now, the domain name for this is already taken, so I won't be changing the website address just yet, but at least if I do I'll give a couple weeks notice, so don't worry about that.

I never thought I'd do this really. Not that I thought I wouldn't, as such, but it never really occurred to me before, as it has recently, that the old name of my blog (everything I own [now]) seems very materialistic and therein lies the problem. I'm not materialistic. Happiness, in my opinion, should not be based on material items and their value (never let it be said that I'll forgive you for buying a cheap coat, though. There is cost effective, where you get good value for money, and then there is downright cheap, where your clothing falls apart and you complain even though you only paid a fiver for it).

Hence, I declare this blog to now be called Wired Weird! The principal principle (oho!) behind this change is to reflect how very odd and convoluted a place my mind can be, and seeing as you delve into it on a somewhat regular and somewhat frequent basis, I consider it false advertising to call myself anything close to "wired normally".

Happy reading, folks! There will probably by another post soooooooooooooooooooooon (extra Os intentional, based on the fact it was Hallowe'en yesterday)!

Work, eat, sleep

the title is pretty much my priorities at the moment. I'm doing a lot of work (not begrudgingly but willingly, mind you) and there isn't a whole lot of time for other things at the moment, which is a pity. But never mind. I've got pretty much everything done I wanted to get done, except the work for Tort Law, which is due on Thursday. I have time because like a particularly well-organised student I did the work for the other three modules over the weekend and so it hasn't been rushed and panicked, but instead patiently worked through as it should be. Which is what I enjoy the most about my life at the moment. There's time to do things.

I promised you all a picture of the flowers!!

They are truly lovely. And I still have them even though it's been more than a week (they're not over yet). They smell FANTABULOUS (yes, it is a real word) because there's Eucalyptus in the bunch, as well. So my whole room smells of Eucalyptus now. Not complaining at all. Thank you, Patrick!

I'm reading The Godfather by Mario Puzo in my spare time (scoff, scoff, chortle, chortle). I felt bad having seen the films and not read the books, which I really think I should have done first, but never mind. You can't do everything as you'd intend to do it. And besides, the films are rather good. If for whatever reason (coma? you're a hobbit? you have no self-esteem? lack of time/money?) you haven't either seen the films or read the books, I suggest you rectify that. I always find it amazing reading or watching these "classics". How did this come out of someone's head? It's an incredible phenomenon that we have such active imaginations, I tell you that.

I've had coldy-flueyness this week, unfortunately, so I'm not as lovely and happy and bouncy as I'd perhaps have liked, but that's not really a problem. I'm going home at the weekend again, to see my mum for a bit. I never feel like we get to spend much time together so I'm working through everything I need to do in preparation for that. I also have an assignment due in next week that I need to do the preliminary reading for, which means either going to the library or hooking up my printer (not difficult but time-consuming).

Happy reading, folks! I can't tell you how nice it is, having you read these posts. It means a lot to me, not because I WANT you to read them, but because you're interested in what I say (whether you agree or disagree is interesting too, so please comment if you can).

Victoria Jane :D

Visiting family

So I took this weekend off (after handing in that Assignment, I needed a break!) and went home for the first time in a month! It's the longest I've ever been away from home. Once when I was younger I camped with a cousin for two weeks and going back home felt pretty good. So, after a month of being in a new, confusing city, doing work and generally not knowing where many things are, going home was not only AMAZING because it meant I could see my family, but because it also gave me the chance to be lazy with directions and   cooking. I got there Friday evening and went skating (the first time in a month, it was a relief to realise I can still skate to be honest!!), before having dinner at home. Just pasta and sauce but actually eating with my mum was really lovely.

I also (as you would) went to see my lovely other half, Patrick. I take great delight in surprising him, so I told him I'd be there on Saturday morning for hugs and such, and even called him while I was outside my house, saying goodnight... And then I got a lift to his and opened the front door VERY quietly and took my suitcase up the stairs VERY quietly... And walked into his room. And he freaked out! It was fantastic. He was sat in bed, saying "What are you doing here?!" and he had the BIGGEST smile on his face. Made it worth the effort of lying to him all week, definitely. He also bought me a LOVELY bouquet of white roses, which are my favourite flowers! I've never had flowers bought for me before, so that was a lovely surprise.

So we spent the evening chatting and then went out the next afternoon, after I'd been to the opticians to get some new glasses (I stood on mine, poor things, they're bent beyond all functionality) and check my prescription. My head has widened, they said, and I had to explain that it was because of the metal stretcher I used to have in my mouth. For reference, I used to get one Shreddie stuck between my opposite back teeth. The gap is now wide enough for a Party Ring. It's nice to know all the pain was worth it!!

In the afternoon, we went out for lunch (ham, egg and chips is an amazing meal and if you disagree there is something fundamentally wrong with you), then for a milkshake. Patrick bought a banoffee one that was so thick, he couldn't finish it, which I think was a foreign concept to him (he looked very confused). We also went out for dinner with my dad, so I am certainly well-fed now!

I currently have reading to do for the morning ( a side effect of not doing work all weekend is catch-up work that needs to be done), so I'm off to do that.

I will upload a picture of the flowers with my next post!!

Happy reading, folks!!

Looks and books

Hey hey! I'm just into my fourth week at university and having a great time so far. Sorry or not having posted (I know I said I would) but I've been busy!!

so, I've been preparing my first assessment (a piece of coursework due in at the end of this week), which is for Foundational Legal Skills. This part of the course is 100% coursework. I need to do some pretty interesting things for assessments here at the university, and I like that they don't spoon feed us the information, because it means we KNOW if we're not doing enough work. It's very autonomous and you control the outcome of everything quite strongly here. So, I spent maybe twenty hours in the last three days reading and doing little bits towards this assessment. I didn't feel like I was prepared to even start writing until last night!
 So obviously this means that I am busy and hungry and don't always have time for meals. But, like any good student should, and particularly one who tends to get ill when when they don't eat enough, I have cheats. Now, these lovely little thingies on the right are a new-ish product from Nutri-grain. They're called Breakfast Biscuits (as you can see) and they're really good if you're on the way to an epiphany, meaning you don't have the time or patience to deal with your grandparent of a cooker. You get six packs of four biscuits. They're perfect. They're yummy. They stop me from fridge-raiding.

 Everyone has a favourite drink as well! Mine is this stuff by a company called Tymbark, which is a Polish company. It's not very sweet, which is why I like it. The only problem is that I can get through a two-litre pack in about four hours.

So, this is my room! Accommodation is quite expensive, but it was worth paying for because, though it's not in the picture, I have a little en-suite too. Again, this is a good study-aid. I don't have to make any long trips just to have a shower or brush my teeth, and I like that rather a lot. It also happens to be good when I'm sore from training, because I don't do a whole lot of walking about at the moment. My knees hyperextend as a result of skating, and now I'm doing Taekwondo, they hurt quite a lot. I spent £40 on knee straps. It was worth it- I could actually walk today! I bought Elastoplast ones. They're fantastic.

So, yes. My room has lots of study space and the bed isn't too bad either (kind of a bad mattress but I'm always VERY tired by the time I go to bed so I don't really have an awareness of it for long. Taekwondo is fantastic. I'm enjoying pretty much everything about university, except that I miss my family. An unfortunate side-effect of loving people is that you feel a little empty when they're not with you. But I'm training four hours a week and studying maybe thirty or forty hours a week. and then I eat and sleep and explore. And life is good.

I'm going home this weekend!! It'll be great to see the lovely other half, Patrick for the first time in a month, I am very excited!!!

happy reading, folks!

Rank and file

Hello again! It may have been a little while, but I have a good reason: I've moved house! Well, that's a lie, kind of. I've moved to university! I feel it's all a bit rank and file from now on, because there are a heck of a lot of students here and we're all numbered (on our flashy student cards, which happen to match all the towels I've brought with me- style mistake? Or victory?)...

It was quite difficult packing all my stuff and leaving mum, but I'm having a great time here. So far, I've met all my flatmates, a lot of the people on my course, and some of the professors here too. Everybody is lovely and friendly and it's very liberating having to do everything for myself.

So, this week I've been doing the pre-reading for a module on my course, which starts on Monday. The actual module in question starts on Tuesday, but there's no harm in doing a little bit of work ahead of time to help get myself into the swing of things, right?

So, how are you all? Good? Well? Healthy? You know those New Year's resolutions, the ones that are impossible to keep? Well, I made a "New Academic Year" resolution, because it's easy to make all those changes at once; and I don't regret it. I have joined a Taekwondo course. So far, and for the foreseeable future, we train (and will train) on Thursdays and Fridays. Yes, Thursday was painful and fun. Yes, Friday felt like suicide. Yes, it was completely worth it. I am proud. I am proud that it hurts to walk and that my calves are so tight I can barely walk down stairs. I am proud that I have stretched, sprinted, side-stepped, punched and kicked my way to pain. I enjoy the experience, and I enjoy chatting to others on the course while we all get the crap kicked out of us, by ourselves. It's really, really painful and really, really fun, because it's nothing like anything I've done before. I recommend it highly!!

So, I'm starting my degree on Monday. Freshers' week has been good too, although I do miss my family. And my feet hurt a bit from running around barefoot, but it's a mark of self-discipline if you don't complain out loud, really (that or involuntary mutism, I guess).

Happy reading, Folks!

P.S. Soon, as promised, you'll all meet Christmouse, whom I have chosen as my partner for shenanigans now I'm here at university! He's friendly, he's a mouse, he sings carols, and I got him in my stocking, hence his name. Speak to you soon!!