A different kind of challenge (a.k.a why I am poor and happy)

Hi again,

I realised it's been a while again (nothing near as long as the last "while", but still) and thought I'd update you a little bit as to what's happening, what's not happening (ahem, SURGERY, so far, still a long way off), and my mindset.

Last time I wrote, I was pretty much whining about this and that but explaining it's not the end of the world for me. I've been brought up never to assume, so for me to turn around and tell you I expect bright things around the corner would be, well, bullshit. I don't expect anything to make its way to me - I'm going out and finding it instead.

New place/living space
Firstly, I found and moved into somewhere new, because my old tenancy ended and I needed to stay in this city to work. To say it was difficult to find a place is both truth and lies ( a half-truth, I suppose), because I really limited myself for a long time by saying I wouldn't rent any place more than £425, and with the amount of storage space I need (it's not my stuff, I'm holding it for someone!!), that wasn't going to cut it.

Essentially what ended up happening was that I moved home for a week, but still commuted to work and to view the new place. This took six hours out of my day and was incredibly tiring, not to mention expensive, so you can imagine a week was MORE than enough time for me to appreciate living away from my original home!

New quietness
I was actually living with someone before, and that someone is now thousands of miles away, so things are much quieter and I find myself spending a lot more time out of the house. I'm particularly getting back into exercising, though in all honesty my back still isn't great so I'm a bit limited at the moment.

I'm having to really push it at work to get the hours I need to pay rent, and though the job isn't hell, it can be unnecessarily stressful, so to come back to an empty room isn't always pleasant when I really want to just whine. In a way though, it's a different and quite humbling experience to be completely on my own for the first time.

I have to budget very carefully for food and be careful with myself so I can keep going to work and pay for the things I need. Work actually allows me one "break" per shift, and provides a little food and drink in that time, but I'm learning to save it for the end of the shift. Today I spent ten minutes appreciating an Americano. It might sound a bit silly until you know that that came after eight miles of cycling deliveries in the rain.

Yesterday was the turning point when I realised I had to be careful. I was eating my 'saved' break and running for the bus, and I threw the last quarter away to run better (genuinely, sprinting), but the bus wouldn't stop, so I missed it - and then all I could think about was the food I'd just thrown away and how I couldn't afford more for the day, and it was a horrible moment.

Today I spent about an hour at the end of my shift with a coffee and a sandwich because honestly, having that makes me so happy! I also had a few strawberries in the fridge at home and a couple weren't ripe, so I left them on my windowsill in the sun to ripen and had them when I came home today.

"I never needed a lot of the things I thought were necessary"

And I've realised this is all I need to be happy now, and it's an odd kind of bliss, but being careful and really appreciating my time and my food is helping me. I'm trying to spend as little money as possible and it's teaching me that I never needed a lot of the things I thought were necessary. I've re-read old books and re-watched old films in the last couple of days and now I'm in a more relaxed state of mind and I can focus on reaching little goals rather than trying to overreach.

Happy Reading, folks!