Ice Rink Rant

I'm currently in the habit of saving. I try not to spend money most of the time, unless I really need something. Spending money of stuff I just want leads to little feelings of guilt because I was brought up pretty anti-consumerist. Anyway, to get the money I have, I work. I work Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Saturdays and sometimes Sundays. Saturdays are the worst days to work.

A little thing about working at an ice rink is that people believe you are being paid to skate. Therefore it's an easy job. Ha! You see very little of what we have to do! Now, this post isn't going to be complaining about the tasks I ahev to do at work. I like my work. I enjoy it. Even when it's a bit difficult and you're pushed for time, because then the feeling of elation at having managed something is just that little bit stronger. No, I'm complaining (sorry) about the customers. Here goes.

Dear customers,

The ice rink opens at ten on a Saturday morning. However, the site is open and up and running all the time. Please check our opening times. Please don't get angry at having dragged your kids down to get here at nine thirty. We're not letting you in. You can't browse and so we see no reason why you should be allowed on the premises before we open.

Secondly, no hats on the ice. This means you shouldn't have one on your head. By all means, bring one, but as soon as you're skating (or trying to) please take it off. Now, you ALWAYS ask me why. Always. Have you ever seen someone trip over a hat on the ice? No? Think of it as if you were running and you put your foot in something sticky. What happens? You pitch over straight onto your face. The other thing is, because one foot is stuck in this figurative sticky thing, your head is on the end of a pivot. The bad end. The fast end. In short, your hat, when it accidentally comes off your head while you're skating (or trying to), is a dangerous weapon. Have you ever seen how much a head wound bleeds?No? We have. We have also seen how nasty it is when we, the stewards, have to go out onto the ice and scrape off the frozen blood with our skates. N'ice. As in, not nice.
Don't give me your bullshit about your hat protecting your head. All a hat will do when you fall is soak up the blood. Have fun cleaning it out. It's a hat, not a helmet.

Thirdly, the reason we ask you not to wear long coats and scarves is so you can't take out a small child (or an adult). Or get strangled. Or strangle someone else. Your clothing should be warm but not pose a danger to other customers.

Fourthly, don't treat us as if we're stupid because we appear to work somewhere where qualifications aren't needed. I assure you, we can (and most likely will) argue back, but we choose not to because we like our jobs. Sunday morning a guy told me I get paid to piss people off because I told him to take his hat off. Then he fell on his ass really, really hard. The look of pain on his face made my self-control worth it. Don't be dicks. We're all pretty damn well educated, thanks.

Fifthly (it's a damn word), on a  Saturday, there are about 600 of you using our facility. When we ask you to do something for your own safety, please do it. You outnumber us about 60-1. We can't help you unless you listen.

There are bins every seven metres on average. They are not for display. They are for you to put your unwanted stuff in. Especially socks. I loathe picking up socks. I also loathe picking up tissues off the ice. If you must vlow your nose, do it off ice. Stood next to a bin. And then, get in the bin.

Finally, in the cafe there is a bin right next to the sugar, milk and stirrers. DON'T LEAVE YOUR DAMNED STUFF ON THE SIDE SO WE HAVE TO WIPE IT EVERY FIVE MINUTES. Don't leave all your stuff on the tables either. It means we have twice as much cleaning to do as is really necessary.

Many thanks, workers at the ice rink.