No woman, no b***h

We've all met that one girl. She looks nice enough. She comes to class. Or not. Most women/girls/female humans live an existence that, for lack of a better phrase, is multi-faceted. We have a lot to deal with. So do men. But men, men are different. They sort things out. They eat different stuff (I have a couple of mates,and by a couple I mean at least five, who seem to live off chocolate and crisps and other foods with similar properties). They wear different clothes. They act differently. The biggest difference? Most men aren't bitches.

Now, quite clearly, these are stereotypes. They have to be. If they're not, things get boring. Besides, there are a lot of bitches out there, and like I said, girls are multi-faceted. The more facets you have (figuratively speaking), the more possible reasons there are behind why you're awful.

Here we have it: the Six Bitches. (These are the most prolific)

Academic bitch
Let's be clear here, I'm not talking about the new teacher who's completely at the mercy of other teachers. No, this is the girl who does really, really well in your year, but has no real redeeming qualities. She'll only be pretending to congratulate you on your results. She's asked you like she's asked everyone else- and for one reason. To make sure she's done better (and you know it). "Aw, do you need some help? I already understand it/I got it already/I learnt this years ago. Here, let me show you." I'd rather not learn it, thanks.

Middle-class bitch
The one girl you like, until you realise she's focused on one thing and one thign only- establishing to others how uppercut she is. Activities include talking about how much opportunity she has, how lucky she is, and how unfortunate the lower classes are. Yes, they are, but moaning about it does nothing. Actions, not words. Actions, though, are something this bitch expects to be done for her.

Rich bitch
Oh yeah, look at all her money, and her things, and her poor-little-rich-girl problems. She has it all, but she has nothing, she has everything you want (and/or need), and yet, and yet... She isn't greatful. The kind of girl who doesn't respect her belongings at all. "Oh, my phone broke! Guess I'll get another." We bet you will.

Work bitch
she might be your boss. She might work in a different department. She might even be your subordinate. The point is, this one's an...un-keeper, if you like. GO AWAY, work bitches. All you do is moan all day about how much you hate your job. Asking every for the time every five minutes signals only one thing: you feel you have somewhere better to be and something better to do. Save it. It's annoying. If the job gets in the way that much, just quit!

Pseudopseudobitch
The bitch who makes bitchy comments, before pretending they're jokes. "Just kidding!" "Aw, you know I don't mean it." "You love it really." I love you not being here, that's what I love. Often these girls start out as friends and then seem to do some form of decomposition to become what is essentially a pseudopseudobitch- a girl who pretends to "pretend". We'd like to more than pretend to see the back of the likes of you.

The dumb bitch
Oh, this is probably the worst. But also the easiest to shred. These girls are the ones who overhear your conversation before openly proclaiming that to know so much "you must totally have, like, no life. Lol!" Ah, dumb bitches. You will not amount to much. Go run, I'm sure there's a bin or something waiting for you. Just because someone is bright doesn't mean they have no social life (careful ladies, not to turn into academic bitches here. You do have a right to defend yourselves, just not too much).